Avalon...NEW YEARS EVE 2007-08

Avalon NYE2007-08

Friday Dec 28th, 2007
Gabe, Lindsay and little G3 all arise without fanfare and are on the road by 11 am. It is our first family vacation to our home-away-from-home beachhouse in Avalon, NJ--site of many former New Years trips and getaways. We are to be joined by the newlyweds Ray and Nancy and first-timers Shawn and Kellie.Our ride is smooth and event-free--G3 sleeps nearly the whole trip and Gabe educates Lindsay on his newly adopted gluten-free diet. Gabe swears he feels better than ever despite only being gluten-free for 14 days. Lindsay (known for her love of carbs) is suspicious. We have a quick break at the reststop close to our destination where we feed G3 (and Lindsay) and the little guy marvels in all the sights and sounds. No less than 20 complete strangers smile and coo at the adorableness that is G3.

Back on the road, we arrive at good old 65 East 29th Street just before 2pm. We unload the car and G3 gets his first look at the ocean while Mickey quickly sniffs each and every corner like he's never been here before. Lindsay is mildly digruntled to find the house is dirty...smells like a wet dog, the bathroom sink is full of someone else's hair, the toilets are yucky and there is food encrusted on the sink. Since we are used to (and used to paying for) a place that is spotless, this causes some angst in the germaphobe Lindsay. Gabe reluctantly calls the landlord to no avail.

We decide to take a quick jaunt to the beach with G3, but sadly it is a bit too cold for him, even in his god-awful baby blue Winnie the Pooh snowsuit Lindsay bought just for this trip. His little cheeks are icy and he doesn't seem very impressed by the ocean. Lindsay snaps a picture with her phone because she forgot her camera. Fortunately Kellie will be arriving tomorrow and has been texted numerous times with reminders not to forget her camera!!

We head to the grocery store to get food for the week, and this simple trip becomes a gluten-free odessy. Lindsay laps the entire store, loading the cart with necessities, and heads back to find Gabe. Expecting him to be at least halfway through, she is annoyed to find him still in the produce section, reading labels on everything to make sure the offending gluten is not included. Lindsay bites her tongue in order to be supportive...

Back home G2 makes dinner while Lindsay feeds and bathes G3. Dinner is delicious and of course, gluten FREE!! G3 goes to bed without fanfair at 8:30pm. Gabe is forced for the second time at Avalon to open a bottle of red wine without a corkscrew...and for the 2nd time it pretty much explodes. Of course, he is wearing a white shirt (for the second time.)

Wine mess cleaned up, the Horvath's sit down to watch "Women's Murder Club" and Lindsay is delighted that the main character is named "Lindsay" too. Other than a knock on the door from a lady asking if we've seen her missing dog, the night is relatively uneventful. Lindsay heads to bed at 11, looking forward to a night of sleep and the early a.m. arrival of Kellie and Shawn tomorrow...

Saturday December 29th, 2007

* 1:17am - G2 wakes up Lindsay (2.5 hours into slumber) b/c G3 is awake and won't go back to sleep

* 2:17am - Lindsay finally moves G3 back to his bed after an hour of snuggling...moments later Gabe comes to bed, trips, makes noise and turns on lights. G3 is up again. Lindsay wants to cry.
* 3:30am - Another hour has passed, and little Gabe has finally gotten back to sleep and been transferred to his bed, again. Lindsay attempts to fall asleep herself but is plagued with insomnia. On top of that Gabe's restless movements and heavy snoring keep her awake.
* 5am - Just as she is drifting off, Gabe does his signature loud, echoing snore and rolls over and grabs Lindsay in her sleep. She flips out, mostly due to lack of sleep. G3 of course wakes up again. Lindsay goes upstairs, practically in tears, and proceeds to feed G3 and snuggle him back to sleep again. Trapped on the couch and unwilling to risk awaking baby Gabe, Lindsay consents to sleep on the couch. But not before texting Kellie (who is supposedly leaving at 5am, with angry messages about her lack of sleep.

*8:00am G3 awake for the day!! Lindsay drags him downstairs and wakes up her husband, and the Horvaths give G3 breakfast in bed.

* 9am - Gabe is awake, dressed and on his way to the local gluten-free bakery for some tasty treats...

*10am Kel, Shawn and Lilly arrive. By 11:30 Gabe has returned with everything from crackers to glazed donuts...all gluten-free!! We designate him to stay with G3 (who is napping) and the Flock sisters, Shawn, and the pooches head for the first official beachwalk. Shawn is in his natural element with the sand and waves, and quickly removes his shoes and rolls up his pants (sidenote--its 50 degrees out.) Our walk is pleasent and the dogs enjoy themselves too. Lilly, trashy as always, brings us beer cans and empty water bottles. We spot a dirty tampon. Moving right along.

As we're heading home, a man with a bright blue baby is spotted ahead...by golly, its the Gabes!! Kellie snaps lots of pictures of the Horvath family while Lindsay inquires as to whether Gabe has fed, changed, or dressed G3. The answer to all questions is "no" and we learn that Baby G3 is pants-free in his snowsuit!!

We stop at home briefly, and then its off to the Cape May Zoo!! Lindsay leads the crew, as she is a seasoned zoo attendee, having been here once before. Its a delightful trip if somewhat uneventful. Shawn makes friends with the goats. They follow him back and forth along the fence and he feeds them treats. He attempts to hug them but the fence between patron and goat is just too tall...

After the zoo we hit the local Acme once again, and G3 goes into a laughing spell that earns him the title of Cutest Baby Ever. Kel and Shawn buy food and we snag a corkscrew. Stops are made at the liquor store and Wawa for supplies before we head back home.

Kellie and Shawn deliever Christmas presents from Shawn--including a megawatt spotlight that is sure to amplify the boys' nighttime shenanigans. Our late afternoon/early evening consists of naps for the Horvath family, some tv, and cooking by Kellie. We have a laid back dinner, and while getting G3 ready for bed Lindsay and PA Kellie notice he seems to have a sniffly nose. Lindsay immediatly texts her Mommy-board friends and has suggestions for what to do within moments. G3 gets some tylonel and he's out like a fat kid in dodge ball.

Ray and Nancy arrive around 8 and the night consists of catching up, talking, drinking, and of course, slingshot adventures (see? spotlight came in handy!!) Raymie attempts to trick Gabe with his catchy "I am sofa king we todd it" joke, which is destined to become a staple of the trip.

Lindsay heads to bed around midnight, while the others stay up. A beach trip is made. Around 2am we are up with G3 who is majorly congested. Lindsay hasn't slept at all (insomnia once again) and so she miserably sets up camp on the couch with G3, a bottle, and his snot sucker. Kellie attempts to play doctor but she's drunk and only succeeds in annoying Lindsay. Gabe insists that G3 has a fever but since he is also drunk, Lindsay is not convinced. She yells at everyone and they all go to bed around 2:30. An hour or so later, Lindsay finally drifts off...

Sunday Dec 30th, 2007

At 8:30am Lindsay and G3 arise after a mere 5 hours of sleep. Ray, Nancy, Shawn, and the dogs soon join them. Ironically, only Kellie and Gabe (both of who swore last night they were not drunk) are sleeping.

Ray, exerciser extremist, goes for a run prior to the morning's beachwalk. Lindsay trades G3 for Lilly and heads to the beach with the Adams' and both dogs. We have a great walk as usual.

The day is pretty lackadaisical. Gabe arises, he and Shawn head to the store to get supplies for vegetable soup and some apple juice for G3. The little guy is still pretty congested but since the Urgent Care Center is closed for the season, we decide he's not sick enough to warrant an ER visit. G3 is still happy as a clam despite producing his body weight in snot. The Adams' go for a bike ride and Gabe and Shawn head to Atlantic City with Gabe's uncle David.

The rest of us watch Knocked Up (highly recommend), play the card game golf, and have some serious conversations that turn spiritual. Gabe and Shawn return home and to Kellie's delight Shawn has won $300! Ray and Nancy's friend Paul arrives after a lost-in-Camden odessey. Kel goes to bed early, then Lindsay. For the first time in the trip G3 (and mommy) get a full night of sleep!

MONDAY DEC 31st

As usual, the day for Lindsay begins bright and early due to G3's need to eat...this morning, however, Aunt Kellie must wake up the delinquent parents as both sleep through Little Gabe's first sounds and then his more insistant cries. Kellie later shamefully describes trying to rouse Gabe in his candy-cane striped boxers from sleep, only to discover that mere poking and prodding is not enough to invoke Lindsay, Kellie and G3 are soon joined by the Adams' (or the Nowickis, as Lindsay keeps referring to them as) who say things like "I heard G3 cry for the first time this morning" in a tone that lets Lindsay know no one is happy about being woken up by the extra vocal G3. Fortunately his cute "DADADADADA" babble and striped pajamas win everyone over, and soon we are all sitting at the table enjoying breakfast, including Shawn and Paul, who both rise by 9. Ray, of course, eats multiple breakfasts.

Around 9:30, we head out for a walk, Lindsay mercilessly dumping her son on his father, who proclaims in a hoarse voice, "I'm sick..." Lindsay's sympathy level for claims such as these are pretty low, and so she gives not another thought to Gabe's desperate pleas. We all head to the beach, minus Paul who chooses to go for a run instead. Its cold and windy today, and we head towards the jetty only to discover a wall of rocks blocking the way. Like the outdoor athletes we all are, everyone begins hopping the car-sized rocks, including Mickey. Sadly, little Lilly Bean is not so sure footed on the slick stone, and she must be rescued by her parents before she falls into the sea. (Sidenote-while taking pictures of the rescue attempt, Lindsay accidently photographs none other than Kellie's "long crack." Oops.)The general consensus says "turn around" and so we head home with plans to take a group adventure to Cape May.

Lindsay rouses the Gabes, showers are taken, and Ray and Paul bail on their initial plan to ride their bikes to Cape May and meet us there. After a short visit from Gabe's aunt and uncle (and a synopsis of Flock family history for Ray) we are on our way! G3, in his manly blue snowsuit, is ready to rock and roll!

* First stop--the beach. Lindsay and Shawn walk around on some rocks, and Lindsay reminisces about being here before. Gabe informs her that they've never been here before. Kellie takes pictures. We are back in the car for the next venture within 3 minutes.

* Second stop--Sunset Beach. There is great history here but we are mostly just interested in walking out on the rocks and taking pictures. The Flock sisters and Nancy pose, along with couple shots and a family one of the Horvaths in which Gabe is of course giving the finger. Shawn, the beachmonger, heads out to the very end of the rocks, where the surf is crashing up on them dangerously, to pose for a picture for Kellie. People oo and ah and Kellie snaps a winning shot just as a wave crashes upon the rocks and proceeds to soak shawn. Moving right along!

* Third Stop--Sunset Beach Gifts. Here we peruse the typical beach-type gifts such as picture frames made of shells and trinkets with "Sunset Beach" written on them. Gabe purchases a small turtle shell for G3 and Kellie and Shawn buy him a book called "Gasperd At the Seashore" about a windsurfing dog (or donkey, we're not sure.) Although the surprise ending shocks us all, its clear that Gasperd will be a family favorite.

* Fourth Stop--Lobster House Seafood Market, the original intent of our Cape May adventure. Inside it smells like fish and is packed with people purchasing their New Years Eve meals. Shawn (scared of seafood) and Nancy (vegetarian) look less than thrilled when Gabe pulls number 80...32 numbers away from being called. Lindsay and Shawn take a walk to the harbor so Shawn can see the boats, Kellie hangs in the car with G3 (who it must be mentioned is being super cute, yet again.) Roughly an hour later the purchases are made and we head back to Avalon.

* Fifth Stop--Wawa for smokes and beer

*Sixth Stop--Liquor store for booze.

Back home, Chefs Gabe and Nancy prepare a continuous meal of seafood appetizers. Ray and Lindsay eat obligingly and the others mingle about. G3 goes to bed on time, no complaints. We settle into our New Years Eve personalities and the fun begins! There is a lot of drinking, game playing, story-telling, hip-flipping, cigarette-smoking and dancing by all. Lindsay takes multiple videos of Shawn and Kellie grinding, Ray and Nancy rocking out, and of course pictures of Ray attempting to eat while intoxicated. Paul tries to punk out early and Nancy gets mad--a sure sign of her level of drunkenness! Midnight arrives, we all cheer, hug and kiss and head outside to call people from our cellphones. Ray, as suspected, is the first one in bed but at least he made it past midnight this year.

Night ends in a blur with champagne/wine mixtures and some disagreements from the Shawn-n-Kellie duo (which later neither would claim to remember.)

Tuesday Jan 1st, 2008

The first day of the New Year dawns cold, but sunny and nice out. Lindsay of course gets up at the usual time. Other early risers (Ray, Nancy and Paul) join her, and we decide for a beachwalk. The walk is pretty long and full of chatter--highlight includes finding a bottle with a note inside of it crashing with the surf!! We are plenty excited until we read the note and realize it was written last night, no doubt by drunkards. Still, Raymie carries it home, no doubt with hopes of selling it on Ebay in the years to come.

Our final hours wind down as we clean, pack, and clean some more. Kellie and Shawn leave first, then the Horvaths. We say our good-byes with talk of our next get-together (St Patrick's Day?) and we leave with the memories of yet another "good time" under our belts.

Avalon, New Jersey March 8-11, 2007

Ahhh, time for another get together in Avalon NJ...in our pseudo-beachhouse. Lindsay and Gabe have both been looking forward to getting away with a few friends and also enjoying the sheer fact that they have the ability to just "get away"...baby Gabriel will be arriving in just a few short months and such luxuries will be a little more difficult to pursue.

The departure starts smoothly, despite the fact that Lindsay (5 months preggo) is battling a horrific head cold and running on 3 hours of sleep and a half day at work. She nonetheless manages to grocery shop, pack the cooler, her stuff, Gabe's stuff, Mickey's stuff, and other various "stuff" into the jeep by the time Gabe calls at 3 p.m. She drives over to the car dealership to meet him (where he will be leaving his car for the weekend) and promptly hops into the passenger seat with her magazine, pillow, and a bag of combos. Her plan is to eat and sleep over the course of the next 3.5 hours.

Gabe takes the wheel and miraculously the drive has no mishaps. No directional discrepencies, no wrong turns, no Horvath bickering. Lindsay has (of course) printed out the mapquest directons to Avalon but Gabe impressively does not need so much as a glance to make it from Drums PA to AValon NJ. (Perhaps after 7 or 8 times of driving to the same place it starts to sink in...)

Anyhow, with just two pitstops for the bathroom (one at which we are unfortunate enough to witness a man urinating in the parking lot), Gabe and Lindsay arrive uneventfully in Avalon, which appears to be a ghost town. No cars or other people are seen on the eerie drive to the familiar 65 E 28th Street house. It's dark, so the ocean is not visible but we can hear the waves crashing in the background. Mickey leaps out of the car, both excited and petrified. We don't have the heart to tell him his friend "Piggy" will not be joining us this time!!

We bring our stuff into the house unceremoniously, loading up the fridge and putting away our things. Gabe grudgingly notes that Lindsay, who has brought over $100 worth of food, has neglected to get anything substantial in the way of a meal. Since our friends Ray and Nancy (and their friends Molly and Chad) are not due to arrive until midnight, we decide to hightail it downtown and get some grub.

We throw Mickey back in the car (lest he be left alone to his demons in the scary, empty house) and mosey downtown (about 2 blocks away). There is nary a light on in any of the businesses on the main drag, save for the liquor store and Bobby Dee's Rock N Chair--a familiar hangout. There are quite a few patrons (after all, its all that's open) but the place still seems empty. We order dinner--chicken quesadillas for Gabe and SheCrab soup for Lindsay, which looks delicious but which she can't really taste through her cold.

Back at the house its time for "Grey's Anatomy" (a rerun, dammit!) and pajamas for Lindsay. Gabe informs her that Ray has called and their ETA is now changed to after midnight. Lindsay--who feels like she wants to die, physically--opts for bed, making Gabe promise to apologize to the remaining guests for her inability to remain conscious. She pops some Benadryl and passes out immediately, her trusty choco-taco nestled in bed beside her.

Friday March 9 2007

Lindsay awakens early, feeling rather congested but somewhat rested. Judging by the remnants of empty bottles, dishes, and food in the kitchen, its clear that Ray, Nancy, Chad and Molly all arrived safely last night.

Ray and Nancy soon join Lindsay and the 3 of us sit in the sunny living room and sip coffee. It looks like a gorgeous (if cold) day outside, and as always, the view is spectacular. We catch up on events--Ray and Nancy's wedding, Gabe and Lindsay's future child, gossip about other people we know. Lindsay learns that Gabe has already enticed the crowd with lots of recent tales, including the one of the ever-popular Shawn Byrne dancing his feet off (literally.)

When it becomes clear that no one else will be rising soon, the early birds head outside to enjoy the weather. Ray of course takes off on a bike ride, and Lindsay and Nancy head to the beach, Mickey in tow. This is the only part of Avalon that Mickey enjoys, and Lindsay is happy to set him free to run in the waves. Mickey happily chases his ball for about 2 minutes before losing it, and then concedes to run along side of us, stopping ever so often to roll in the sand. He takes a few dumps in the surf but fortunately there are no other beachmongers around to see it...

Back at the house, Molly and Chad have awakened and Gabe soon follows. He informs us he's heading to Cape May to visit his uncle David, and disappears. The rest of us laze around, taking showers and naps and eating lunch. Gabe returns shortly, having been unable to contact Uncle David, and alerts us all to his presence by throwing stones at the windows. A trip to the store is taken. More naps. The movie "You Me and Dupree" is a crowd pleaser. Around 4, Gabe, Nancy, and Ray head to Bobby Dee's so Nancy can catch the Bucknell basketball game on ESPN 2. Chad and Molly catch some zzzz's. Ray, sick of basketball, returns to the house and hangs out with Lindsay. Overall the day is relaxed, lazy, and pleasent.

After everyone returns from the bars and their beds, the dinner festivities occur. Nancy sets to work making chicken parm, Molly at her side assisting. The boys play around with Ray's various toys...including the ever popular slingshot and marshmellow rifle. Prior to eating Ray mixes himself a generous helping of rum and coke. Due to his known nature to punk out early, and the fact that its only 8 p.m., he is met with booo's all around. Nonetheless he slugs down his drink like a champ.

Dinner is delicious, and topics revolve around Lindsay's inability to cook, Gabe's supposed genius level IQ, and Ray's total aversion to food being wasted. After listening to his argument as to why food-wasting is bad, complete with examples of third world countries, Lindsay quietly points out that Ray had no problem wasting all the fruit she brought in the pre-dinner slingshot festivites. Sadly, Ray has no excuse for this.

The 3 men clean up, much to the ladies' surprise, and we set up the board for Pictionary. Lindsay finally decides to go ahead with her much talked about claim to drink a glass of wine this weekend. As we are corkscrew-less, Gabe is called to the task of opening a bottle of merlot with a knife. As he has done this multiple times this weekend, one would assume his skill would improve, but this is not the case as the bottle basically explodes, covering Gabe, Lindsay, Raymie, and just about every surface within 10 feet with red wine. Nonetheless, the mess is handled and Lindsay excitely pours herself a very small glass of her old friend...

The game starts off with a bang, guys vs girls. The men are clearly winning, despite the fact that their artwork is less than stellar. The ladies trail behind, their concentration on detail becoming their downfall. On the few that we do win, Gabe holtly accuses us of cheating. Soon the girls begin to draw faster, and effectively pass the boys. The game ends suspensefully, as the final draw must be redone since Ray seems unable to read the correct phrase on the card. After 3 times of this happening, the girls team is named as the winner, and the defunct mascot of the boy's team wildly mixes himeself another rum and coke.

Next up is Cranium. Gabe reminisces about playing Cranium in Montana (complete with totally unrealted fishing stories) and announces his favorite play is the Humdingers. As we start the game, on our respectively gendered teams, Gabe excitedly hopes for a Humdinger but alas, none are chosen. The boys do take the lead again, thanks to Ray's impressive body of knowledge on the Data Head questions. Chad--obviously inebriated--says very little but quickly becomes his teams drawing man. Gabe becomes frustrated as his lack of ability to chose a Humdinger card. More accusations of cheating occur each time the girl's team moves ahead, driven by Nancy's drawing skills and Molly's acting skills. The girls score several Humdingers, but can't guess very many and are stumped several times as Lindsay does not know many of the songs she is supposed to be humming. She also fails her team in the Spelling challenge, misspelling the word discipline. The others (all loaded) prounounce her drunk, even though she's had the equivalent of 3 sips of red wine.

The girls surpass the boys but Gabe's violent accusations of cheating become true when Molly mouths the answer to the final charades, which is clam. Since she is lying on the floor doing nothing resembling a clam (and just about everyone sees her mouth it) the boys declare the game over and the girls cheaters. The girls maintain their innocence.

Now nearly 12:30a, Lindsay decides she must head to bed, as this is the latest she and baby have been awake in quite some time. Unfortunatley, Gabe decides to entertain us with tales of the Horvath's visit to the OBGYN, and she must stay to contest his faulty claims. Debates break out between Gabe and the ladies, as he makes ridiculous claims such as the one that gynocologists use the "shocker" method when examining women. (If you don't know what a shocker is, too bad. I'm not explaining it.) The girls repeatedly tell Gabe that "NO, doctors do not stick things in our butts to relax us" but Gabe is convinced. Ray and Chad looked enthralled and Gabe continues on, informing them that the speculum is to "stretch you out" and that both doctor and patient look forward to the breast exam. Evenutally Lindsay gives up on convincing Gabe he's full of shit (even though we all know it) and heads off to bed...

Saturday March 10th 2007

Lindsay awakens much too early, and attempts to go back to sleep, but as usual when given the opportunity to sleep in, she cannot. She suddenly realizes that, with daylight savings time, its really 8 a.m. and not 7 a.m. Happy with this knowledge, she gets up and makes coffee, taking Mickey outside and cleaning up the remanants of last night. Only about a half hour later does she realize that its Saturday, not Sunday, and it is indeed the crack of dawn.

She sips her coffee and cleans up, but is not alone for long as Ray, dressed for a day in Hawaii, joins her around 8 a.m. The two of them chat and share breakfast and Ray admits that the boys won Pictionary based on the fact that Gabe was writing the answers down each time he drew! We are soon joined by Nancy, a little crabby from (possibly) a hang-over. Lindsay doles out Tylonel for the 2nd day in a row, like any good pharmacist. Soon Nancy is feeling better, and the 3 early risers decide to head out for a walk on the beach. Rumors put the temperature to be about 50 degrees today!

Our beachwalk is refreshing, and although its still nippy by the water, it's a major improvement over yesterday. We walk for about an hour. Highlights include the taking of Ray and Nancy's engagement photo, courtesy of Lindsay, who grudgingly remembers wanting to use a photo of her and Gabe in Avalon as THEIR engagement photo, only to be told by her parents that it was unacceptable. Mickey runs after Ray like a new dog, forgetting his indoor-only fear of him. Ray throws sticks and shells and even an abandoned flip-flop for Fun-and-Happy Mickey, collecting a few interesting objects along the way--all of which he stuffs into Nancy's pockets...

Back at the house, Chad and Molly have awakened, and the plan for an "adventure" begins to take place. Ray has suggested the Cape May County Zoo--a local attraction he saw numerous signs for on yesterday's bike ride. After an informative phone call, we learn the zoo is a mere 10 miles away, free, and open til 4:45pm!! Gabe makes his grand entrance and announces he is off to Cape May for real today, to visit the alleged Uncle David. Gabe lets it slip that Uncle David has a boat, and we Lindsay suspects the real motivation for his trip. He is instructed not to return without the makings for dinner.

Mr and (almost) Mrs Adams must indulge in their daily bike ride before we can begin our adventure. Chad, Molly, and Lindsay use the next 2 hours to lounge around, take showers, make lunch and watch "Wedding Crashers" (highly recommended.) Around 2:30pm we all set off for the zoo, Ray at the wheel!!

Unsure what to expect from a free county zoo, we are pleasently surprised to find its a rather impressive collection of animals, and not the mom-and-pop barnyard we had anticipated. We make a donation and join the hoards of people and kids trolloping through the zoo. Highlights include:

* The old camel who we watch closely as he lays down on a bamboo branch (his lunch) and proceeds to rub himself back and forth. Is he in pain? About to throw up?? Masturbating?? No one is sure but Lindsay takes special care to photograph his feet, just so she can show Gabe a picture of a real "camel toe"...

* Nancy leads the way, fueled by her desire to see bears and lions. There are no lions but we do see some bears, cheetahs, and snow leopards, who entertain us by urinating on tree branches.

* The reptile house is a big hit with its long necked turtles and gigantic iguanas...

* The Cape May County Zoo is home to several odd looking animals who none of us have ever heard of (nor can their names now be recalled) but one of them was what was considered the world's largest rodent, and basically looked like a 50 pound rat...

* We head to the "Savannah", a large series of boardwalk-like walkways through the woods. All of the signs describe flora and fauna rather than animals, and Lindsay is not shy about displaying her disgust at this "boring" part of the zoo.

* At the end of the boardwalk however, we reach a vast open land that is home to several giraffes, as well as some zebras. We all marvel at the sheer size of the giraffes, especially in proportion to the fence that surrounds them which only appears to come up to their knees. Apparently giraffes are unable to step over them, we must presume. We also scratch our heads at the massive size of the giraffe habitat--clearly 20 acres or more, which is significantly larger than any of the other animals enclosures...

After the delight of the zoo, we head home, making a pit stop at the liquor store. Lindsay turns heads simply by being a pregnant woman among booze. Vodka, tonic water, wine, and a corkscrew are purchased before we return to our abode.

Back at the house, another movie hits the screen (Napolean Dynamite) and we all chill out and await Gabe's return home with food. Nancy give Ray a much-needed haircut. Lindsay takes a quick beach walk with Mickey, and then returns at the same time as her husband. Gabe has arrived with giant crab claws and clams for supper (but nothing for the 3 members of the party who do not eat seafood. Lindsay sets to work at making a red velvet cake--her contribution to cooking for the masses. Many travesties occur, such as a lack of oil and the abscence of a mixer. Gabe stands over her like he's Julia Child and critiques her every move. The biggest roadblock of all occurs when the Horvaths discover the oven is no longer working. Lindsay tries to find a solution but Gabe (who has magically acquired electrical expertise) tells her its hopeless. Fortuantely, Ray proves them both wrong when he points out that the oven door must be shut completely for it to turn on...

Dinner is a much more laid back affair tonight, with Ray, Lindsay and Gabe indulging in seafood. The rest are stuck eating left over pasta, but thanks to Nancy and a bit of garlic, parsley, and butter, its actually better than the night before. We all sit around the table chatting--topics include brain surgery, germaphobes and Lindsay's pregnancy. Nancy sneaks off for a nap (possibly the result of the vodka tonics she's been slurping since before sundown) but is quickly rounded back up by the others, who will not settle for a disapearance this early in the evening. With Pance back in action, the night unfolds. Highlights include...

* Salad Bowl Game. Lindsay tries in vain to get (and keep) the game moving but it fizzles out due to distractions (slingshotting, cigarette smoking, snack-making). The unruly members of the boys team also prove to be distracting, in particular Gabe who puts inappropriate names in the salad bowl and shouts out obscenities. The game does not make it past the first level...

* Trivial Pursuit. This game never really seems to work out, but nonetheless we start playing enthusiastically. Gabe resumes his cheating and foul language, immediately placing pie pieces in his team's pie and yelling when Nancy, Lindsay and Molly try to remove them. He accuses the girls of cheating each time, despite the fact that we all know for a fact that the BOYS are the cheaters. Trivial Pursuit does not last long either, as most of the questions pertain to events that happened before we were born and we don't know many of the answers.

* Ray consumes about 2000 more calories over the course of the evening. Everything from pasta to cake to cucumbers and more pass his lips. He pretty much eats non-stop, impressing us all considering he probably weighs less than any other member of the group. Around 10:30, drunk and not yet full, he assumes his pre-bed position--reclined in a comfy chair chowing down on a large amount of spaghetti. He disapears down the stairs soon after...

* Gabe and Chad have in depth discussion on what to do with Chad's life. Gabe gives him "idea" after "idea" of possible ways for Chad to make a fortune in the next 30 days. Chad takes mental notes but is soon exhausted and he and Molly hit the hay around 11...much to Gabe's dismay...

* Gabe, Lindsay, and Nancy sit around the table (we haven't left since dinner) and continue the eating frenzy. Pasta and pitas and dip are passed around. Lindsay gobbles down a bowl of ice cream in hopes that the sugar rush will make the baby move...but to no avail. Gabe continues to talk about everything and anything, and Lindsay licks her bowl clean and sneaks off to bed lest she get sucked into a melodramatic drunken discussion. Nancy looks vaguely interested in Gabe's chatter, but later reports as soon as he went outside for his next cigarette, she snuck away. Left alone, Gabe turns all the clocks back and finally succumbs to sleep.

Sunday March 11, 2007

Lindsay is the first up, at the ridiculous hour of 8 a.m. (which is really 7 on her "body clock"). Ray appears moments later, and its like deja vu of the previous morning. Ray admits that he lies in bed wide awake until he hears Lindsay cleaning up in order to not be the loser who gets up first...

We have breakfast and discuss child-rearing and are soon joined by Nancy. The three of us decide to head out on our daily morning beachwalk, and Lindsay makes the interesting observation that Molly and Chad have not been to the beach yet since being here...

We walk in the opposite direction this time, eventually reaching the rock jetty that seeps out into the Atlantic. The weather is fantastic today, very warm and mild. Mickey assumes his alter-ego, Fun Beach Mickey, and Ray throws balls and shells for him. A fully intact (and thankfully dead) horseshoe crab is discovered and the Adams' pose for pictures. More photos are taken on the jetty before we lazily head back to the house. No one is looking forward to departing today!!

Back home, Molly and Chad are up, and the girls decide to head to Bill's Pancake House for food. Chad offers to stay and clean up, and Ray heads out on his daily bike ride. (Gabe, confused by daylight saving time, is still snoring away...)

We drive about 30 blocks out of town in seach of the Pancake House that Nancy spotted on her bike ride yesterday. But since she can't really remember where it was or what it was called, we turn around and head back to town to find Brian's Waffle House, convieniently located next to the liquor store. On the way back, we spot Bill's Pancake House...ironically only 4 blocks from our house! We dine on omlets, waffles, sausage and toast and we are all stuffed within minutes.

Back at the house the clean-up and packing begins. Gabe rises and takes his good old time in the shower while the rest of us slave over the floors, the counters and the fridge. Lindsay discovers the frozen water balloons in the freezer that weigh about 10 pounds each and is thankful Nancy was able to convince the guys not to launch these weapons last night. Ray returns, hot and sweaty from his bike ride, and announces he'll be jumping into the Atlantic. We all (including Mickey) race down to the beach after him, but as with most polar bear swims, its over before it even starts. Nancy snaps some pics and Ray shivers like a kitten.

Once we are all cleaned and packed, there is time for one last stroll to the beach before we must depart. Lindsay's goal is to take a picture of her and Gabe by the water. As Gabe grumbles and pouts, she reminds him that if just smiles like a normal person, the torture will be over soon. He is instructed NOT to inconspiculously give the middle finger, as he normally does. Ray takes several shots, and Lindsay tries to view them, but in the bright sun its hard to tell. Later, she sadly discovers that all Horvath family photos from the beach have one or both of Gabe's middle fingers exposed...

Back at the house we say our good-byes and head our separate ways. Its a 3 to 4 hour drive for all of us, but we all conclude that its worth it for a long weekend in Avalon!

Pulaski NY

A WEEKEND IN UPSTATE NEW YORK
Destination: Altmar New York
Travelers: Gabe and Lindsay
Reason: Fishing...what else?


FRIDAY NOVEMBER 3, 2006

Around one-thirty on Friday afternoon, Gabe and Lindsay embark on their adventure to Pulaski, NY for some salmon and steelhead fishing. As they pack the car, Gabe comes over to Lindsay and slips his pocket knife into her purse. When she questions him about it, he only responds in a serious tone, "I'm protecting my wife." Lindsay doesn't bother to ask what he's protecting her from.

After a quick stop at the liquor store, we're on our way. Pulaski (more specifically, Altmar NY) is an estimated 4 hour drive and snow is expected. For now, its sunny and cold, and Lindsay asks Gabe if he has directions. As usual, Gabe has only a little slip of paper with chicken-scratched shorthand to guide them to their destination. Lindsay silently curses her decision not to map-quest directions but at least we have the cell phone number of Jack, Gabe's fishing guide who will also be staying with us at the Victorian at Altmar.

With two quick stops at the New York State Welcome Center and a Mobil, we're making good time. As we cruise through Syracuse, snow flakes start to fall. Just before our exit to Pulaski, around 4:30, the sky darkens as though its nightfall and the snow comes pelting down. The alleged storm has arrived.

We get off our exit and head right on Rt 13 to Altmar. Its bleary and visibility is low, but Lindsay can still clearly make out the run-down houses and trailers with broken cars in the front yard. It's not looking good...but we follow our directions and make a left at the gas station in Altmar (the only one.) The rest of the directions only say "immediate left, 100 yards", but Gabe chooses to go straight. He then turns around and goes back to the gas station for directions, ignoring Lindsay's heavy sighs of "I told you so..."

The indian man at the gas station has never heard of Victorian at Altmar (even though, as we later discover, it's visible from the gas station.) Gabe tries to call the cell number of the guide, to no avail. He mumbles unconvincingly to himself, "He wouldn't lie to me...he's Orvis-endorsed!" We pass a ramshackle house full of ragamuffin children sledding in the dark and pull into the Salmon Heaven Inn, where the girl gives Gabe directions to "Go to the stop sign, make a right, you can't miss it." Gabe fails to ask how far we are supposed to drive once turning right or what the Victorian at Altmar looks like. We continue to drive straight for awhile, passing multiple tackle and bait shacks, although now its practically dark and the snow is falling pretty hard. We turn around, and Lindsay is fuming as they have once again chosen to rely on Gabe's questionable directional intuition instead of Map Quest's.

Finally Gabe stops at one of the tackle shops, which is nothing more than a wooden square the size of an outhouse with a big neon sign that says, "BAIT." The woman in this place tells Gabe to "go straight, make the 3rd right, and you can't miss it. There's a big sign." We do as she says and we do come across a giant, victorian house with lights blazing...but there's no sign. Gabe swears, "this has to be it" and fortunately it is. We walk inside and are greeted by the owner and several men who are watching TV in the living room. Lindsay, in her periwinkle hat and gloves and carrying a big overnight bag and a laptop, feels a tad out of place. She's pretty sure she's the only girl staying here.

Our room is basically a bedroom, and has the minimal necessities of a bed and a light. To be totally fair, there's 2 beds, two chairs, and two lights. There are two communal bathrooms and a kitchen, dining room, and living room downstairs. Now Lindsay understands what Gabe meant when he said "its worse than Dunwoody." In actuality, the house is beautiful with high ceilings, decorative molding, wood floors, gigantic windows, stained glass and a wrap around porch. Nonetheless, Lindsay's a little concerned with how she'll keep herself busy for 12 hours tomorrow.

We set out in the blizzard in search of a "good time." Kathy's Salmon Inn has been recommended, and Lindsay asks Gabe, "Do you know where we're going? Because this time we're on foot in the middle of a snowstorm." Fortunately, Kathy's is easy to find, about a two minute walk, after which we're covered from head to toe in gigantic snowflakes. At Kathy's, we have some beer, play megatouch, and order sandwiches and fries. Lindsay comments that she's planning on getting drunk tonight, and Gabe reminds her that its barely even 6 o'clock.

We head back to the Victorian where Gabe takes a shower. Since he's no longer shaving and has become Bearded Gabe, his beauty routine takes considerably less time than normal and by 7:30 we're back out in the blizzard to check out the Altmar Hotel and Restaurant. Yes, there's only one gas station in Altmar, but there're TWO bars. At first glance, the Almar Hotel and Restaurant resembles Kathy's with its cracked red pleather bar stools, plastic chairs, and fake wood walls. Gabe and Lindsay take a seat at the bar amongst several others who are clearly locals, as they eye us suspiciously. Perhaps because Lindsay is still wearing her periwinkle lambswool hat and lipstick, while the local fashion statement is clearly Cammo and a long pony tail. We order drinks and take in the scene.

Most notably, the gigantic deer ass on the wall. That's right, a giant deer ass, with the tail positioned high in the air. Its basically as though someone cut off the deer just past his hips and below his knees. The rest of the decor consists of a stuffed bobcat, a salmon in a shadow box, and a newborn baby deer in a shadow box, to which Gabe points and whispers, "Look! Bambi!" There's a myriad of signs with catchy phrases like, "I'll be fishing until Dark Thirty" and "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." For souviniers, there are t-shirts for sale that state "Vegetarian: Old Indian Word For BAD HUNTER".

We also notice that, despite NY State law that prohibits smoking in bars, almost all the other patrons are lighting up. Gabe conspiratorily flags the bartender down and points wordlessly to his pack of cigarettes, to which she responds in monotone, "Its against the law to smoke in an establishment in New York State. But should you choose to do so, please use this instead of the floor," and places a used, ash-covered beer can in front of us.

We hang out here for a bit, ordering Southern Comforts and Cranberry&Vodkas. We eventually leave, but not before Lindsay makes the observation that "I'm the most attractive person in this place!"

Back at the Victorian, we have a few more drinks and hang out with Jack and his friend in the living room. Lindsay retires around 11 and Gabe follows soon after.

SATURDAY NOVEMBER 4, 2006

Lindsay briefly rouses around daybreak to see Gabe putting on layer after layer of clothing in preparation for his day on the water. Apparently, despite the blizzard, plans to fish for steelhead from a boat still stand!

Around 8, Lindsay gets up and sets out in the White Stallion. The snow is still falling pretty hard, and it is indeed a winter wonderland outside. Fortuantely, the main roads look pretty clear. On the agenda--coffee, food, and a photographical exploration. Lindsay makes a right at the gas station and heads to Pulaski.

Her first stop is at the Sunoco, where she loads up on cappachino, bottled water, and food and snacks for the day. Heading into Pulaski, she drives through the town, which has a distinct quaint charm with its old, tall buildings and obvious fishing buisnesses. Lindsay takes a few pictures and moves along. Her next stop is at an antique shop, where she purchases an old milk box and a soy candle and chats with the owner, who apparently has a large clientele of "wives of fishermen".

Lindsay continues back in the direction of Altmar and then past, periodically stopping to take pictures of the snow-covered landscape, which is quite stunning (when not obstructed by turquoise trailers and farm equiptment.) Especially when, around ten, the snow stops falling and the sun comes out. She gets a few strange looks from the locals, who probably aren't used to seeing a solitary woman taking pictures in fish country.

Back in Altmar, she drives out the same road that she and Gabe travelled on last night. Here she passes the infamous Salmon River, where dozens of men in heavy gear are throwing line. She stops for a few more pictures, and heads out a different way.

Lindsay's next stop is the New York State Fish Hatchery. She almost drives by and then thinks, "ahh what the heck?" The place is pretty deserted, and she makes a quick lap around the building before deciding against viewing the outdoor fish holding pens. On her way out, she notices a sign with directions to Salmon River Falls--110 Foot Vertical Waterfalls! She memorizes the directions and sets forth to her next photographical opportunity!

3.7 miles down the road, there are a few cars (three to be exact) parked on the side of the road next to the "Salmon River Falls" sign. Lindsay grabs her camera and sets out on foot through the snow. The sign states that its a 0.2 mile walk to the falls. The snow is about a foot deep. It suddenly occurs to Lindsay that she's traisping through the wilderness, in the snow, alone, with nothing but her camera. She thinks longingly of Gabe's knife in the car as she approaches several men at the lookout point. She hopes that they are friendly tourists and not escaped convicts (which is what they look like.) She reasons that if she wants to get good pictures, she'll have to suffer for her art. Fortunately the men smile politely and head back to their cars, leaving her alone to snap some pictures of the falls.

(Side note: it is at this point in the day that--after two hours of taking pictures--Lindsay discovers that her camera has a setting specifically for taking pictures of snow. Good to know...)

Lindsay heads back to the Victorian, where she proceeds to take a shower, make some soup, and settle in for an afternoon of laziness at the deserted B&B. She's soon joined byt he owner of the house, who makes small talk with her about Victorian house renovation procedure and his kids.

Around 4, he announces that Gabe and Jack have returned. Lindsay is pleasently surprised to hear that her husband has come back before nightfall (something out of the ordinary for a guided fishing trip). She imagines they'll have dinner at the Victorian and Gabe will reminisce about the day with his newfound friends.

Such is not to be. Gabe walks into the living room and Lindsay can tell by the perturbed look on his face that something is drastically wrong. Gabe makes small talk with the owner (I never did get his name) all the while shooting dagger eyes at Lindsay. He does mention that no fish were caught, and Lindsay assumes that this is the reason for his obvious level of upset. As soon as its politley possible, we excuse ourselves and step outside for a smoke.

Here, Gabe tells Lindsay that its time to get the hell out of Dodge. When she questions why Gabe puts on his stern husband voice and tells her its not up for debate. He is clearly shaken to his core, and Lindsay tries to pry what the heck happened today out of her husband, but he's not talking. We hastily pack up our stuff and pay the bill, leaving our host with no excuse for our departure. Its about 5 p.m. and we have a 4 hour drive back to PA.

In the car, Gabe is silent and refuses to talk at first. Lindsay figures that he either was sexually assulted, chased by a wild animal, or almost drowned. Finally, about 30 minutes into the trip, Gabe calms down enough to enlighten her as to what happened on the worst day of his life. It was a long story with a multitude of details, but the general consensus went something like this...

Gabe got no sleep whatsoever, and then got up at 5 a.m. to put about 10 layers of clothes on and set out into a blizzard.

By hour 2 his foot was frozen.

First, they fished the bank and Gabe actually caught a big fish, but was intercepted byt he guide trying to "help" him land it, and thus losing the fish.

There was no lunch provided, and (not being aware of this) Gabe had no food or water all day long.

Eventually they headed out in the boat, despite raging waters due to rising temps post-storm. According to Gabe, they repeatedly hit what he guessed were "Class 10 rapids"--meaning waves that were smashing into the boat. The first time it happened was kind of a rush...the second, third, fourth, fifth and so on times it was more like facing death. Gabe said there was nothing to do besides hang on to the boat and hope it didn't capsize. He said that if he or the guide would have fallen into the water, the chances of being able to make it to shore were slim. He said the guide was clearly in over his head and was "quiet as a mouse".

Finally, after getting out of the water (soaking wet in 40 degree weather) Gabe repeatedly tried to call Lindsay to tell her he was alive but of course she didn't answer her cell, as she was probably hiking to the Salmon River Falls around this time.

All in all, according to Gabe, it was the worst day of his life ever. Lindsay listened in horror and then quietly said, "You know, things like this never happen when I plan out trips." Gabe's response was that she was absolutely right.

And so, 4 hours later we arrived home tired but safe and sound, and headed up to our local food joint for the first good meal in 2 days. Much to Gabe's dismay...Lindsay ordered the salmon!

Cabin In The Woods

(while on the aforementioned trip to Pulaski, I came across this journal, stored on the laptop and forgotten about until now...)

Cabin In The Woods
Trip to the West Branch Angler in Deposit, NY
Reason: Gabe's Birthday (October 2005)
Travelers: Gabe, Lindsay, Mickey

October 7, 2005

As Friday dawns with the forecast of heavy rain throughout the region, Gabe and Lindsay are nonetheless cheerful. We are now on about the 20th hurricane of the season (Tammy) and although her backlash is the cause of the 5 inches of predicted rain, we are not bitter. (Even though Lindsay's last two attempts to get away were doused with bad weather due to Hurricanes Katrina and Ophelia...she is not bitter!!)

Before he heads to work, Lindsay questions Gabe on his requests from the grocery store. Gabe responds with an indignant, "Um there's a bar and restaurant there. I don't plan on eating any meals besides breakfast in the cabin." Lindsay gently informs him that she "thinks" the restaurant at the West Branch is closed for the season but Gabe will have none of it. "I'm sure there're other restaurants in the area. Just pack enough for yourself for breakfast, lunch and snacks," he tells her.

By 2:30 we are on the road to the West Branch Angler resort in Deposit NY. The Horvaths are a half hour ahead of schedule...something that's never happened before. There were no packing disputes...no packing-the-car issues...no minor arguments. Even Mickey is resting peacefully in the back of the Jeep.

It's two hours to Deposit. Despite the heavy rainfall and gray skies, the peak of fall foliage is obvious as they drive through the Endless Mountains Region. The colors stand out even admist the fog, and Lindsay is super annoyed that her photography attempts will be limited to what she can see from the car and the front porch of the cabin!!

But even so, this trip is her birthday present to Gabe, and so its about what Gabe wants. And Gabe has made it clear that he WILL fish in the rain!! About an hour from our destination, however, the guide calls and informs Gabe that he would like to cancel the triop due to the fact that the heavy rains are not supposed to stop. They tenatively discuss a trip on Sunday, but it's not looking good.

Gabe keeps a cheerful face on, after all this is not the first time rain has ruined our plans or vacations or honeymoons or Dunwoody trips. Nope, we keep it all in stride! As we pull off of Route 17 into Deposit, Gabe asks Lindsay which way to go. She reminds him that she was unable to get directions directly to the resort, and that she told him this 2 days ago in a conversation that went something like this...

Lindsay: I need you to call the resort to get specific directions.
Gabe: I'm sure once we get to Deposit we'll figure it out.
Lindsay: Ooooo-kay...

Now in Deposit, its pretty clear we aren't just going to stumble upon the resort. For unknown, testosterone-related reason, Gabe will not call the resort, but instead decides to yell out his window to a woman walking down the street with an umbrella and ask where the West Branch Resort is. Of course, she doesn't know. As we pull into the parking lot of the Post Office (don't ask why) Linday grumbles that it'll probably be an hour until we reach the resort judging by Gabe's direction-getting attempts. Gabe scoffs.

An hour later, we finally pull into the resort. But not before receiving directions from a gentleman at a gas station, forgetting half of them, attempting to get on and off Route 17, getting directions from a man at the lumber store, passing over some railroad tracks, and making a left onto a dirt road. It is actually very beautiful back here, the Delaware River, the woods, the canopy of leaves in shades of red, gold and yellow. Too bad its still raining so damn hard!

At check-in, we upgrade to a bigger cabin, since it seems we'll be spending a significant amount of time there. The man at check-in kindly gives us a piece of paper with necessary information regarding our stay, but not before taking a black magic marker and crossing out item #3. "Sorry folks," he tells us. "The restaurant is closed for the season." Linday can barely contain her I told you so!!

We get lost on the way to the cabin (side note--there are only about 12 cabins total here), but we are happy to find that it's roomy and nice, with a front porch that is thankfully covered by a roof. Lindsay longingly stares at the fire pit, Adirondack chairs, grill and picnic table in front of the porch. Beyond on that lies the Delaware.

After discovering that Lindsay did exactly as he asked and brought just enough food for herself, Gabe decides they have to go to the grocery store since the food consists of pasta salad, snacks, and oatmeal. And its pretty clear there isn't just another restaurant or pub around the corner. He insists that Lindsay accompany him, all the while whining "What are we going to DO here?" LIndsay holds up her magazines, crossword puzzles, and books and asks Gabe, "Didn't you bring anything to do?"

Although Lindsay is annoyed to be getting back into the car to do something she could have done that morning, she fears if she doesn't Gabe will never make it back, especially since it's growing dark out. We hop back onto Route 17, and drive. And drive. It appears that after the tiny town of Deposit there is very little in the way of stores or restaurants. We finally see a sign for Hancock, NY (insert lots of lewd jokes here) where there is evidence of stores and things. "Civilization!" Gabe cries.

Hancock is pretty small but, miraculously, there is a grocery store...the Grand Union. And everyone in Hancock is here. Despite its shabbiness, the store holds practically everything we need, including fresh avacodos. We load up our cart and head back into the rain on Route 17.

Gabe tries to make several lefts to get back to the West Branch Angler...each one at spots where there really isn't even a road to turn on to. Eventually we make it back and the cooking begins. Lindsay reads one of her many magazines and sips wine while Gabe prepares the guacamole and chips, breadsticks, and spare ribs. Its a pretty good meal for Grand Union food prepared in a less than stocked kitchen.

But now its barely 8pm and Lindsay fears the night is winding down when Gabe turns on the TV. We make a half-assed attempt to play cars, but are unable to remember the rules to any two-player game except for WAR. Eventually, "Bernie Mac", "Malcolm in the Middle" and "Numb3rs" win over, and we are both in bed by 12:30.

October 8, 2005

Saturday dawns as predicted--gray, dismal and raining. Its not the heavy rain of the night before, but its steady and the sky doesn't give any indication of clearing up in the near future.

Lindsay wakes up at 9:30am and proceeds with her normal morning routine of coffee, taking care of Mickey, and computer. Although we brought the laptop in hopes of Wi-Fi connection, ther is of course no Wi-Fi out here in the woods. She writes for awhile, enjoying her coffee. adn willing the rain to stop.

Gabe comes to life around 11am and nervously paces the cabin as he decides what to do with his day. Never one to sit and relax, Gabe makes the decision that he will be fishing today, despite the rain. He layers on his clothes and gears up in his waterproof outfit before setting out. Fortunately we've learned that since tomorrow is likely to be nice, we will be allowed a late check-out, meaning a guided fishing trip for Gabe and some hiking/photography for Lindsay.

Happy with the news, Lidnsay settles in the cabin for an afternoon of reading and writing. Mickey lies at her feet, ever the faithful companion. But within an hour, Gabe has returned--apparently its too wet for even Gabe in his rain gear to withstand. His nervous agitation returns, and after lunch he announces its time to head out and...explore.

Back onto Route 17! We drive...and drive...and drive. We get off several disapointing exits--even the promising "Fishes Eddy" is nothing but a rundown street of broken houses. We keep seeing signs for Liberty, NY, and foolishly conclude that it must be a big town! 30 miles seems a small distance to reach civilization.

Liberty is a huge disapointment. Not unlike Hancock, with its decades old stores and broken streets. There is no sign of a WalMart or a K-Mart, where Lindsay had hoped to purchase a game or two to keep them occupied tonight. There is, however, a Sunoco, and after filling up the Jeep and purchasing a newpaper, we grudgingly decide that Liberty was not worth the drive, and head back to Route 17.

Along the way, we keep seeing signs for a store called Memories, with catchy phrases like "The Best Store You'll Ever Go To" and "You're Almost There, You Might As Well Stop". We figure, what the hell, and pull into the parking lot of Memories. Judging by the myriad of cars outside, it looks like a good time.

Memories is a combination antique store/furniture outlet. While overpriced and definitly not "The Best Store Ever", we wander around, admiring the items and checking out furniture. No purchases are made however, and soon we are back on--what else--Route 17.

We decide to end our "exploring" in the now-familiar Hancock, in attempt to pick up something for dinner and possibly locate some type of store for game-purchasing. But first we stop into MacLean's Irish Pub for a drink and some Megatouch. We're served by a bartender with a spider tattoo on his cheek and entertained by a bagpipe-playing band of sorts. Definitely the highlight of the day so far.

Our next stop is the good old Grand Union, where we pick up a frozen pizza, and then we head to Rite-Aid in a last ditch attempt to find some sort of amusement for the evening. Lo and behold, Rite-Aid has a modest selection of board games in the kid aisle. After debating over Backgammon and CandyLand, we settle for Yahtzee. Gabe also grabs a pack of 80 refill Yahtzee scorecards...assuming we'll play all night.

Back at the cabin, we crack open some beer and dive into Yahtzee. Lindsay is the clear winner even though her math skills are less than par. Its then time for pizza, but not before Gabe recieves a call from the fishing guide, confirming plans for tomorrow--should the weather hold out. Mickey happily chews on his Rite-Aid bone in the background.

It appears the rain is nothing more than mere spitting at this point, and Lindsay optimistically plans for a fire with the bundle of dry wood inside their cabin. However, it grows rather chilly--the coldest its been since last spring. A fire is not in the cards tonight, but it looks like "Law and Order SVU" and "CSI" are!

Lindsay grumbles about watching TV again but before she knows it both she and Gabe are sound asleep.

October 9, 2005

Lindsay opens her eyes around 8:30, and through the slats on the blinds she can see the sky doesn't look very flattering. Its not even gray, just white and gloomy with heavy fog. However, its not raining, although the cold air remains. It looks like the possibilites of her and Gabe squeezing in fishing/hiking/photography (the whole point of the trip--none of which has been accomplished thus far) are good.

She wakes gabe at 9 a.m. as instructed. He gears up once again and heads outside, this time to meet his guide at the river bank. He informs Lindsay that she will need to follow the guide to the take-out point 5 miles away, and then drive him back. When she questions why she must do this, Gabe responds, "because I have to watch the boat" as though this is reason enough for her to risk her life in a car with a strange man in the middle of nowhere. Gabe hisses at her, "he's an Orvis-endorsed guide, just go!"

Lindsay's fears prove unnecessary as the guide is friendly and has the gift of gab, telling her all about his wife, children and dogs during the five-minute drive back. Since the check out time is at 4, Gabe advises Lindsay to meet him at the office with the car packed and ready to go, with promises of "I'll be there by 4:30, at the latest."

Lindsay sets about her day, first deciding to take a hike with Mickey. Its cold and muddy and still spitting just a bit, but in comparison to the last two days its just gorgeous. Unfortunately, ther are other people out as well, no doubt other members of the Wives-of-Fishermen club, and they glare at Lindsay as she exits her cabin with a barking Mickey in tow.

She heads out past the cabins and after it appears there are no people in close range, Mickey is set free. He runs happily through the fields and Lindsay snaps a few pictures with the rich fall foliage in the background. She walks down the road a little bit but soon heads back, not wanted to stray far lest she get caught in the rain. It has now gone from "spitting" to "drizzling".

Back at the cabin, she reads, showers, and writes before cleaning up and packing the jeep for the trip home. At 4 pm and not a moment later, she drives up to the office to check out. She discovers the office is closed and drops her keys in the "late check out box". It is now 4:05pm.

With 25 minutes to spare, she walks Mickey around a bit, allowing him sniff and pee. This activity comes to an abrupt halt when a car pulls up with 2 men and they begin transferring fishing gear into another car. Mickey barks ballistically. Back to the jeep.

By 4:20 the jeep is hot and smelly from Mickey's panting, and Lindsay decides to wait out the remainder of the trip sitting in the back with him, the lift gate open. He barks once and then concedes to growl softly at the two men, who eventually pick up and drive away.

By 4:45 there is still no sign of the guide and Gabe. Lindsay attempts to call her new husband, but the phone goes directly to voicemail, leading her to believe one of two things. Either Gabe's phone is out of range or he knows he's probably going to be late and has turned it off in attempt to avoid explaining, since the excuse of the fishing's great never seem to appease Lindsay. She suspects scenario #2.

5pm rolls around, still no sign. Lindsay entertains the thought that perhaps something happened to Gabe out on the water. Worry replaces anger, and she desperately tries to call him to no avail.

5:15pm Anger trumps worry. Lindsay concludes that Gabe is simply having so much fun fishing that he's decided to ignore the "by 4:30" meeting time. It would not be the first time fishing overrode punctuality.

5:25pm Now at the boiling point, Lindsay calls Gabe and leaves an angry message. Its growing colder, and she reverts back to sitting in the car with Mickey panting heavily in the background.

Finally, just after 5:30pm, the familiar red truck pulling a boat roars up. Gabe shrugs at Lindsay's obvious discontent, reciting his familiar, the fishing was good. Lindsay ignores him as he packs up his gear and they set out for home under the darkening sky. On the ride back, Gabe fills Lindsay in on the details of "good fishing" and concludes that--despite the rain--the weekend was successful!

Montana 2006

Sarah, Natalie, Danny and "Noula"...thanks for making this the best week ever!

Day 1 June 9th, 2006 -- "Departure Day"

Our long awaited trip to Montana officially begins at 6 a.m. on a sunny, spring morning in June. Lindsay hops out of bed and into the clothes she has laid out the night before. Even Gabe is stirring, which is a good indication that he, too, is excited!!

By 7:15a Gabe is out of bed--our departure time is set for 7:30a!! We encounter a slight setback when Gabe, smoking on the deck in his underwear, inadvertently locks himself out. But, by 8 a.m. we are on 81 on the way to Avoca. The sun is still shining and there have been no discrepancies between the newly married couple--both events a rarity at the start of a vacation for Lindsay and Gabe!

By 9 we are all checked in at the newly renovated Wilkes-Barre/Avoca airport with plenty of time to spare. We sit outside for awhile before going through the decidedly minimal security. We board our plane, the first of 3 on our journey west!!

Wilkes-Barre to Cincinnati--1.5 hours on a puddle jumper, no turbulence and on time. Perk of the flight is Gabe's seat is the closest in proximity to the bathroom. Lindsay assumes he'll be delighted but Gabe is instead concerned that his sense of smell will be assaulted.

Cincinnati to Salt Lake City--After landing in Cincinnati, we literally have just enough time to cross the airport and board our flight. Once aboard, we settle in and learn that the in-flight movie is a toss-up between the Oscar contender "Brokeback Mountain" and Walt Disney's "8 Below". Fortunately the Disney movie wins out, and Gabe chalks up $2.50 for movie headphones. Puny snacks are handed out and Lindsay settles in with her US Weekly while Gabe becomes entranced in the movie, even shedding a tear at the end. We are once again seated by the bathroom...which is both a blessing and a curse for Gabe (and the other passengers in the back rows.)

Salt Lake City to Bozeman--We spend an hour in Salt Lake City, much of in a long line at Quiznos where about 30 people wait for 2 very slow sandwich makers to prepare their meals. Gabe and Lindsay spot for polygamists to pass the time. After the surprising discovery of a glass-encased smoking room across from our gate, we finally board (after mass confusion on the airport's part.) Flight #4007 to Bozeman is quickly in the air, and in nearly no time at all we are landing in Bozeman.

Unfortunately, the last 10 minutes of our flight are tremendously turbulent, and we land in the middle of a torrential downpour. We pick up our rental (a silver Jeep Cherokee dubbed "The Silver Fox") and head to Livingston, where it is sunny and cold. We meet up with our hosts Natalie and Danny, as well as Sarah. Lindsay plays with the resident dog, Baby Finoula, while Gabe unpacks his fishing gear and clothing that he Fed-Exed out several days before. (Sidenote: most of his clothes were in the same box as his smelly waders...)

A plan is set in motion. Natalie and Danny must attend a mandatory "teacher party" and Sarah, Gabe, and Lindsay gamely agree to go along. We make a pit stop for red bull, beer, and beef sticks, and our first night in MT unfolds...

Highlights Include...

Teacher Party: Natty and Danny mingle while Sarah and Lindsay and Gabe chat and catch up. It is pouring rain and freezing but we hardly notice as we are standing on the porch of a log mansion located in the middle of Paradise Valley.

Mexican Restaurant: We fill our growling bellies, and down margaritas. Danny, Gabe, and Sarah do shots of tequila, while Natty and Lindsay stick to tamer shots (Red Headed Sluts).

Stockman: Gabe and Lindsay's favorite bar from our first trip here, although the best bartender ever (Sharon) is off tonight. We only stay for one drink because the bartender (who knows Natalie and Danny) gives us a lot of crap. He assumes Sarah and Lindsay's IDs are fake (but serves us anyhow.) He looks at Danny, snorts, and says sarcastically, "Can I get you a Coke?" Later we learn that the bartender's daughter will be going on a trip to Japan on which Natalie and Danny will be chaperones...

The Slack Knuckle: Here we have more mixed drinks and we spot our first celebrity...Michael Keaton!!! Natalie and Lindsay pretend to play Keno in order to get close to the star. We contemplate going up to him and saying, "Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, BEETLEJUICE" but we don't (thank god!) Lindsay does become back to back with him, just one inch away. We also spot the actor who played young Brad Pitt in "A River Runs Through It." Lindsay's new Montana goal...spot at least 1 celebrity a day!! Natalie tells her that Abe from Road Rules also lives in Livingston...

Ironically as we leave The Slack Knuckle for home, we notice David Letterman on the TV interviewing...Michael Keaton. Lindsay is amazed, commenting, "I guess we were in the right place at the right time..."

Once home we have beers and look at pictures on the Internet before retiring to bed...especially Sarah who has now been awake for practically 24 hours!!! Day 1 comes to a close....

Day 2 Saturday, June 10th 2006 "Our First Official Day"
Our first full day dawns at 6 a.m. for Gabe, who takes off for the Madison with his fishing guide. Several hours later, Lindsay and Natalie wake up, make coffee, and sit around outside with Baby Finoula (a.k.a. Noula.) She happily digs holes in the yard...it is cloudy and cool but no longer raining!

Once Sarah and Danny get out of bed, our host sets to work writing up a color-coded schedule for the week (typical teacher!) Based around Nat and Danny's work schedules and Gabe's fishing schedule, we plan out the activities we hope to partake in...horseback riding, Yellowstone, and floating are all on the list.

After and energetic run for Sarah, Natalie and Noula (and a very painful bike ride for Lindsay) we decide to head to Chico for some R&R.

The girls hop into the Silver Fox and head through the mountainous scenery after one very long pit stop at Subway (apparently slow sandwich making is an artform out here...) At Chico Hot Springs Resort, we soak in the water surrounded by parents and kids on multi-family vacations. Lindsay's fake tan starts to disenegrate in the fresh mountain water. 2 beer are consumed. No celebrities are spotted. Conversation centers around Boston accents and breast sizes.

After a soothing hour and a half, we leave Chico feeling warm and toasty. Natalie takes the wheel and we had back to Livingston and straight to Albertson's, the local grocery store.

In the checkout line, our cart is piled high with wine, seltzer, some food and an economy sized box of Gas-X. Natalie runs over excitedly, whispering "Lois Lane is here! Lois Lane!" She drags Lindsay to the end of the store, but Lindsay cannot see Lois Lane anywhere, despite Natalie's exaggerated head nodding. All she see's is a dumpy woman in Aisle 5 eating fried chicken right out of the box.

Turns out, the dumpy woman is Margot Kidder, the original Lois Lane. Not (as Lindsay was looking for) Teri Hatcher. She's still a celebrity though, and we stalk her in the Silver Fox and Lindsay snaps a fleeting picture as we speed away! Celebrity siting #2...check!

At home, Natalie and Danny must sadly head to their summer jobs as waitresses. Lindsay and Sarah lounge about, take showers, and talk on the phone. Gabe arrives home, beat from his day on the river where he caught multiple fish, including a "26 inch brown as big around as my neck!"

After some Red Bull (okay, some Red Bull and vodka) we walk to the Bistro where Danny works. We enjoy a long leisurly meal of wine, pizza, fish soup, and some fried Brie and jelly that Gabe will be talking about for days. Lindsay gets one very purple "medium-rare" steak...that she sucks down hungrily despite the fact that its practically cold in the center. Gabe gets Creme Brulee for dessert and Lindsay mispronounces "gorgonzola". At the end of our meal, Lindsay notices Michael Keaton walking down the street!! She practically chokes on her Espresso Martini while pointing him out to the others. The all shake their heads sadly...apparently its just some guy with Michael Keaton hair and glasses!

Now 9p.m. (and still light out!!) Gabe informs the ladies he'd heading home to hit the hay. He is obviously much more serious about fishing than any of us know! Lindsay is sad, and Sarah tries to cheer her up by telling her, "Forget him! We don't need him to have fun!" Gabe heads home and Sarah and Lindsay hit the town!

We don't go far, merely across the street. Lindsay has another not-Michael Keaton siting...this guy is everywhere! We enter "The Owl"--which is very dark and seedy. We play video poker and Lindsay wins $28...drinking money!!

We decide to return to "The Stockman", where we encounter the same suspicious bartender...but tonight, he's all smiles. We converse amicably, and we make sure he realizes that we are NOT underage. He relaxes visibly after realizing the chaperones on his daughter's trip were NOT taking underage Pennsylvanians out the previous night.

After a 2-hour heart to heart about unmentionable topics, Sarah and Lindsay head home and are picked up on the street by Danny. Lindsay realizes with shock she has walked out of the bar with a full beer! Apparently this is standard fare in MT. Natalie is waiting anxiously for us, a drink in hand. Vodka tonics are consumed by all and we jack up the music, singing and dancing into the night! At one point, Natty gasps out loud and says "Oh no! Gabe's sleeping!" Lindsay laughs at the irony and reminds Natalie of Gabe's reputation for being loud in the face of others' slumber.

Eventually the night ends and Lindsay stumbles to bed, followed shortly by the others. Day One comes to a close!

Day 2 June 11th 2006 "Pine Creek Day"
Gabe once again departs for fishing at 6 a.m. The rest of the house is slow to rise. Lindsay pops advil and vows never again to consume beer, wine, and liquor in the same 5 hour span.

Everyone slowly trickles out of bed, and Nat and Danny head of for yet another "teacher meeting". Sarah and Linds prepare for our departure to Dome Mountain Ranch...our "vacation within a vacation." We hit Albertson's for a few neccessities, including new shades for Sarah since we are all making fun of her old shades by calling her Mary Kate Olson and Nicole Ritchie. We fill up the Fox with gas and purchase some beer.

After lunch, we head to Pine Creek Trail to hike. Danny casually mentions the recent bear incident (that all of Livingston is talking about) happened just a mile away. He also mentions that hiking with dogs in bear country is bad news...and then loads Baby Noula in the back of the Outback! Lindsay is very quiet on the way to Pine Creek, wondering if her quest to see a bear with be her downfall. Nonetheless, she clutches her camera in her sweaty palms...

As we pull into Pine Creek's parking lot, Lindsay realizes her worries were somewhat dramatic. Pine Creek is heavily populated with people, children, and yes, dogs too. Our hike is relatively easy, and the pay-off is superb--a rushing waterfall in the middle of the mountains. We take pictures and Baby Noula races about as only a young pup can do. She logs about 10 miles to our 2, at one point gleefully snatching a stick from the hands of a small child. The little girl protests angrily, "Hey, that's MY STICK!" and Natalie must chase down Noula to retrieve the soggy, broken stick for the little girl (even though there's about 500 million other sticks at our feet.) Noula redeems herself moments later when another (much cuter) little girl exlaims with delight, "I LOOOOOOVVVVEEE him....."

Back in Livingston, we have Celebrity Siting #3! Abe from the real world, walking into his apartment! Sarah elbows Lindsay out of her cat-nap, but its too late...they both miss a glimpse of Abe. Since technically Danny is the only one who saw him, and technically Abe is only a "reality" star, we decide he'll be our back-up celebrity.

Natalie heads to work, and Danny, Sarah and Lindsay all drive to Dome Mountain. We drive by the road to our cabin twice before pulling into the driveway (clearly labeled, "The Bunkhouse".) It's phenomenal, with panoramic views, 6 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, a cowboy decor and modern amenities. Noula runs about, clearly enjoying the best day of her life so far.

Gabe arrives, sunburnt and happy with tales of fish he caught. Today the fish were "the size of Lindsay's thighs!" Lindsay is not sure if that's a compliment or not! Sarah whips up some jambalaya and we sit down and refuel before heading back to Chico, a mere 8 miles away. There we enjoy a nighttime soak, some beer, some live music and more video poker (no winners tonight!) We meet a friend of Danny's who informs us that the grizzly bears are "out and about" in Yellowstone. Lindsay's excitement to see a bear returns.

We drive back to The Bunkhouse and are treated to some awesome displays of lightening. We settle in to wait for Natalie and the fun unfolds...highlights of the night include...

* Games! Yahtzee is a big snore but "poor man's scattergories" is a hit and as always, "Salad Bowl Game" is a crowd pleaser. Sarah and Lindsay are a stellar team against Natalie and Danny.

* Gabe joins in on the fun of Salad Bowl by agreeing to "act out" the names of famous people for the whole group to guess. He is quickly booted when it becomes clear his acting is limited to lewd gestures in order to get us to guess Woody Harrelson.

* Natalie puts on the performance of a lifetime by becoming a visual chef and Karate chopping granola bars to get us to guess "Chef Boyardee"

* Gabe gets drunk for the first time in the entire trip!

Night ends in typical fashion...

Day 3 June 12, 2006 "Float Day"
Third time's the charm for Gabe who is up and at up and on his way to Ennis for more guided fishing...at 6 a.m. Natalie rises next, only to return to bed at the sight of the mess in the kitchen and her attempts to rouse her friends prove unsuccessful.

By 10 a.m., however, we are all sitting outside, drinking coffee, and enjoying a picture-perfect Montana morning of blue skies and 65 degree temperature. Danny goes into a panic when he realizes he's left his bathing suit at Chico. A plan is formed to drive to Chico and seach for the missing suit, and simultaneously drop off one of the cars at the take-out point for our float trip. Nat, Danny and Sarah take off, assuring Lindsay they'll be "right back".

Two hours, one bagel, one shower, one fruit salad creation and 1/2 of a Glamour magazine, Lindsay is still waiting. She's getting a little worried, but soon enough the Silver Fox comes flying down the road and we pack up off. We're off for our float!!

The much anticipated maiden voyage of Natty and Danny's boat is a delightful expereince...we float about 5 miles of the Yellowstone River. The background is picturesque, even though Danny cannot see it due to being blinded by sunscreen in his eyes. He paddles on bravely, his eyes shut tight against the bright sunlight, pathetic tears streaming down his face.

Animal sitings include pelicans, 1 bald eagle, cows, a baby fawn, and a golden retriever. Noula's hunting instincts go into overdrive, making her quiver with excitement, but she contains herself to the boat and earns the title from Lindsay of "best dog ever!" Sorry, Mickey...

Natalie and Danny entertain us with tales of the worst wedding they ever attending, complete with the imitated bad singing of "Time in a Bottle"...

We pull out 1 and 1/2 hours later and encounter two women and their dog at the take out. One is clearly a cowgirl and the other is more country-club. (Lesbians? Sisters? We're not sure.) Noula leaps onto their shiny SUV and then right into their car and directly onto the fancy lady's white pants. We all chat and watch Noula and her newfound friend race about before squishing ourselves, Noula, the raft and all of our stuff into the Subaru. Still blinded, Danny takes the wheel.

Back at the Bunkhouse, Sarah, Lindsay and Natalie settle in for a lazy afternoon, while Danny heads back to Livingston for various reasons. We soak in the sun's rays, play soccer with Noula (who is still not tired), and snack on fruit salad and hummus. Natalie frets that she may be called into work at 5:30, and Lindsay frets that she cannot reach Gabe to tell him of our dinner plans, presumably due to a dead cell phone. Sarah tells them both to chill...we're on "Montana time"!

Eventually we head to the Dome Mountain gift shop for some excitement (none found). Natty and Sarah take turns at the wheel of the Silver Fox, driving haphazardly over the back roads and behind the Bunkhouse, while all 3 girls chant, "Rental car! Rental car!" We drive to Chico for cell phone reception and Natalie happily learns she does not have to work!! We stop at Sinclair gas to pick up supplies...Red Bull, Daquari mix, toenail clippers and Twizzlers.

Back at the Bunkhouse, we are all ready to go to Gardiner and enjoy a meal at Pedalino's. Unfortunatley, there is still no sign of Gabe, and even though we push our reservations back an hour, we end up leaving without him. Lindsay is sad (and a little mad) about her missing husband, but the others persuade her not to leave a nasty note...

We sit down to what may be the best meal of our trip so far. We share two bottles of wine and pasta for all, and everyone agrees the food is phenomenal. Gabe makes contact and we order food for him. We do Rocks/Paper/Scissors to determine who is to be the designated driver...Sarah loses, much to her outrage. Lindsay doesn't mention that she had planned to offer to be the designated driver until Sarah came up with Rocks/Paper/Scissors...ha!

We hit two bars, have 1 drink each, and then head back to the Bunkhouse where Gabe and Finoula (or "Noodle" as Gabe calls her) are waiting for us.

We play some more Scattergories but it quickly fizzles out as we pick bad letters such as "I" "J" and "K". Although Natalie's "i-sophogas (for Body Parts) is a source of amusement, her inabilty to play the game correctly is not, and we end it after just 3 rounds.

Danny punks out early (after all, he is 30) and the rest of us move on to charades...Team Sindsay (Sarah and Lindsay) against Team Noodle (Natalie and Gabe).

The game quickly turns dirty as we are forced to act our such things as "Giving Birth", "Lesbians", and "Gay Cowboys." Natalie again give the performance of a lifetime with "Carpet Muncher" (don't ask) but Sarah and Linds win by a landside after Sarah performs a perfect final round with "Asshole" and "Gas X". Another night comes to a close.

Day 4 June 13th 2006 "Yellowstone Day"
Today would be a good day to sleep in, but since we must check out of the Bunkhouse by 10, we all reluctantly arise around 9. Lindsay vow to never drink wine, beer, and liquor in the same night was broken again. Natalie and Danny must leave for Livingston in order to get Natty to work on time.

Before leaving, Lindsay discovers pistachio shells mixed in with her mints (GABE!) Natalie informs Lindsay that last night Gabe entered their room at a very late hour! Gabe's version is that he fell asleep on the couch and forgot what room he was in. (Sidenote...Gabe and Lindsay's room is on a totally different floor than Natalie and Danny's.)

The McGrath-Davis clan heads home, including Baby Finoula, who is finally looking exhausted. Gabe, Linds and Sarah pack it up in the Fox and head for Yellowstone! Although our day is relatively uneventful and sadly, no bears are seen, there were some memorable moments...

* Technically a grizzly is spotted, but by the time we arrive at the spot he is so far away that he's barely a dot even through binoculars.

* Many bison and some elk are spotted.

* We eat lunch at Fishing Bridge and shop in the souvenier shop. Lindsay intends to get souveniers for her Mom and sister, but instead buys a sweatshirt for herself.

* We hit Canyon and Mammouth for some traditional sight-seeing. We also stop at Old Faithful, where we snack on ice cream and are just in time to see Old Faithful erupt. More souvenier shopping occurs and Lindsay buys herself "Mark of the Grizzly". Sarah warns her not to read it if she ever plans on hiking in Montana again. Lindsay worriedly decides to put the book away until she's safely out of grizzly territory!

* Sarah tells us of a story of a bison that wandered onto an island in the middle of the lake and was stuck there "for years". She swears its true, even though her story is full of holes. Turns out the bison was on the island for probably a few weeks at most. "Malarky!!" Gabe and Lindsay shout!

We leave the park at 5:30p.m., after logging an incredible 6 hours and 170 miles in the park. Lindsay naps on the way home and we make it back to Livingston by 7, with just enough time to get ready for our reservations at 8p.m.

Our dinner is at Rib and Chop, Natalie's restaurant and "supposedly" one of the best in Livingston. Unfortunatly, we are seated in "Beth's" section, and our service is absolutely awful. No smiles or hello...no water offered...Lindsay gets extra beer she didn't order and Sarah gets no beer. Gabe orders a second margarita but asks for a smaller one...30 minutes later Beth comes back with a margarita the same size. Natalie and Danny's sister Melissa (who also works there) wait on us more than Beth does!! Gabe's lambchops come out rare and the meal goes downhill from there. Although the rest of our meals are fine, Gabe is super-pissed and he and Sarah argue. He and Lindsay argue. Natalie takes his chops back but in his eyes the meal is ruined. Natalie informs us that Beth is probably going to be fired.

We leave the Chop house in bad moods, but over at The Slack Knuckle, things pick up. Its warm enough that we sit outside on the patio and enjoy multiple drinks including JagerBombs and the best Mojitos ever. Natalie's friend Stephanie joins us. Conversation grows loud and animated. Gabe helps Stephanie (who pretty much runs the bar) trim some branches on the patio trees. Natalie arrives with Baby Noula! She is the hit of the party, jumping on patrons and eating large chunks of ice. We eventually close down the bar and stumble home after stopping at the Mint for a shot--nightcap!! We walk home slowly, as we must stop at every corner to practice "sitting" with Baby Noula!

Back home, Stephanie joins us but the events of the evening are blurry as the trip journalist (Lindsay) is the first to head to bed, with visions of grizzlies dancing in her head!!

Day 5 June 14th, 2006 "Bozeman Day"

Everyone sleeps in due to massive ailments directly related to the amount of alcohol consumed the previous night. Most of us are up by 11 a.m., though some of us slumber until 2 p.m. (Gabe) and some of us go back to bed (Danny.)

We lounge about until 4 p.m.--reading, watching movies, eating, and watching TV. Danny becomes enthralled by Sylvia Brown the psychic on Montel Williams. Natalie and Lindsay hit the local jewelry store where Lindsay finally manages to buy something for someone other than herself!

Eventually we pack up the Fox and head to Bozeman (except for Natty who must work, again!) Our plan is to spend the night at Danny's sister's vacant apartment and barhop in the city--even though Sarah complains "I'm not ready to drink yet...its only 5 o'clock!"

We barely make it out of Livingston before stopping at "Grizzly Encounter"--a local tourist trap which boasts "See live bears--in your car or out!" on it's brightly colored sign. Lindsay figures she'd better at least see a bear in captivity in case no wild ones are spotted. We pull into the vacant lot where we are clearly the only patrons--in fact, Gabe asks the gate attendant if they are even open, to which she snaps indignantly, "Yes, until seven." As if that should be obvious by the empty parking lot.

We drive slowly to the grizzly viewing area, waylaid by a dog who keeps crossing our path. A man who, eerily enough, looks like a grizzly himself, follows close behind the Fox. The bears are in a large enclosure, behind a concrete wall, and up on a mound, pacing restlessly. We all get out of the car and go stand in front of the barbed wire, oooing and ahhing--despite the freezing rain. Suddenly, from behind, food flies over our head and a voice bellows, "SHEENA! Eat your FOOD! Come get yer WEEDS!" Its grizzly man! And it sounds as though he's mocking one of the funniest lines from the movie "Napoleon Dynamite"...except we are pretty damn sure he's never seen that movie. The look on Sarah's face is priceless.

Lindsay takes a few pictures, strategically centered so she can crop out the concrete wall for more authentic shots. We listen to the man talk about the plight of bears for about 5 minutes before hopping back into the Fox. Moving right along!!

In Bozeman, we drop off Gabe's fish film and bum around. In the bookstore, Danny searches for "Phenomena". When Lindsay asks who the author is, he hangs his head and mumbles, "Sylvia Brown...the psychic..."

We check out downtown Bozeman, picking up dinner at the aptly named "Naked Noodle", before heading back to our home for the night. We rave over the cool apartment with its gigantic window that overlooks the street and eat our noodles. Gabe heads out to get his pictures and the rest of us enjoy after dinner drinks and some good conversation. Sarah is clearly over her reluctance to drink, as she dumps rum into her plastic soda cup...

Upon Gabe's return, we start off the night with games. Our plan to barhop never really takes effect as we become immersed in competition! Tonight's teams are Danny and Gabe vs. Sarah and Lindsay (proven winners!)

* Trivial Pursuit 90's Edition is first up. We quit 10 minutes into the game after realizing none of us know crap about the 90's, despite having grown up in them. We pause briefly to discuss why this might be, and then move into...

* Cranium! Hilarious moment after hilarious moment unfolds. Top humor comes from the "Humdingers"--in which one team member must hum a song for the other to guess. Danny's wildly emotive facial expressions as he croons have Gabe in tears, he's laughing so hard. Sarah's very slow rendition of "Wild Thing" is cause for much chuckling, as is Lindsay's ridiculous "R-E-S-P-E-C-T" and "Born To Be Wild". Only Gabe succeeds with "Sweet Caroline."

* Gabe's blind drawing of a sumo wrestler deserves an honorable mention, as he attempts to cheat by writing out the word CHINA. Danny later informs him that sumo wrestlers are from Japan.

* Another honorable mention would be Sarah's initial inability to guess Lindsay's mimicking of "Orphan Annie"...even though she has gotten as far as to say, "Annie Orphan! Annie...Orphan?" She repeats this about 12 times before finally guessing, "Orphan Annie!!" Obviously, the rum is working.

* Trivial Pursuit Millenium Edition is our final game, but we sort of fizzle out before the end. Gabe is bored and Natalie and Noula have joined us, bearing gifts of Heineken and pizza. The night ends rather tamely, with most of us passing out early...which is just as well, since we must all get up before 9 tomorrow...

Day 6 June 15th, 2006 - "Back to Yellowstone"

In an ironic twist of fate, we learn that our old friends from Selinsgrove (Moose and Dionne) will be travelling through Bozeman this morning! In fact, they are on their way to moving home to Selinsgrove from their current residence in Missoula, MT.

We rush to get ready (Sarah, Nat and Lindsay, that is.) Gabe has gone on one last fishing trip, and Danny is still dead to the world, despite needing to get up at "Eight a.m.!"

We have a delightful breakfast and learn of Moose and Dionne's plans to open a bakery in the old stomping ground. We meet their dog and chat next to their very short Jeep, which is weighed down by a canoe, two bikes, a cat, a dog, and half of their belongings. After we say our good-byes, its back to Yellowstone for the girls...Natalie and Sarah have gamely agreed to accompany Lindsay on one last trip in hopes of spotting a bear.

It takes roughly 1.5 hours to get to the park's entrance. During this time, we discuss old times, old friends, and old songs, particularly Lindsay's favorite, the Titantic song! Lindsay confesses to her private habit of "practicing" singing in the garage when she is alone. For some reason Natalie and Sarah find this uncontrollably hysterical.

We are barely into the park when the moment happens! A throng of people and traffic lead us to not one, but TWO bear, who are--what else--mating in a cluster of trees on a hillside. Lindsay and Sarah take picture after picture and we listen to the ranger educate the people about bear sex. We watch them frolic and finally settle down for a post-coital snooze.

The rest of our day is pleasent, if uneventful. We drive through Lamar Valley, where the land is vast, open, and decidedly unpopulated. No more bear are spotted, but we do see bison, antelope, and an osprey on a nest.

We eventually make it to Cooke City, where we enjoy a delicious lunch of grilled cheese, chili, and wings. We chat it up with Jeffery, our server, who claims to have worked in the park with Sarah many years ago...We learn about his life in Cooke City--where the 8 or 9 children make up 1/3 of the population!

Back to Livingston! Its at least a 2 hour drive, and Sarah takes the wheel while first Natty, then Lindsay, nap. Lindsay awakens to discover the others have made the executive decision to stop at Chico for a soak. Fortunately we all have our suits and towels, although Lindsay's towel is encrusted with deoderant.

We soak and consume Chico Martinis for about an hour. A strange man floats around us and makes conversation. In a whirlwind of phone calls and decisions, we decide to meet Gabe at the Bistro--but we must hurry since its getting late. We rush to change and Lindsay discovers her bra is soaking wet, and she must borrow one from Natalie. In the parking lot, she asks her friends' opinion of her chest in the ill-fitted bra. Sarah tries to demonstrate the difference between Lindsay's bra and Natalie's by repositioning her own rack. Of course, this is the moment the shady man from the pool walks by. He simply shakes his head and moves along, and after much laughter we load up into the Fox and take off. As we drive by him, Lindsay tries desperately to think of something funny to shout out the window, but all that comes out is "We're on our way to a prostitute party!" (???) Fortunately, we're pretty sure he doesn't hear.

We meet Gabe at the Bistro, where we learn he had a terrible day of fishing. We also meet and talk to the local teenager who was recently held hostage by a grizzly bear for hours. We down Mojitos and food, and then move to The Slack Knuckle for some more good times.

We never make it past the first drink, due to the chilly air and our desire to watch "The Evolution of Dance" video on the internet. The rest of the evening is spent viewing addictive amature videos online...the night ends early as our last full day in MT looms near...

Day 7 June 16th 2006 - "Fairy Lake Day"

Our final day dawns bright and sunny, with blue skies and gusty winds. Lindsay pushes for a group activity, and so a plan for an "easy" hike is set into motion (to cater to Gabe, the non-hiker.)

But first, Gabe must pack up his fishing gear into the dilapidated Fed-Ex box to ship back to PA. Sarah and Lindsay watch him as he drops in a few random items and announces with glee, "Time for the filler!" He returns with armloads of dirty laundry to cushion his precious gear on its journey back east. Genius.

We set off for Fairy Lake around 1 p.m., Baby Noula in tow. None of us have been there except for Danny, who ironically cannot join us due to work. He does warn his girlfriend that the road is very steep and treacherous, and advises us to take the rental car. "Rental car, rental!" the girls chant. Gabe is not amused.

1/2 hour later, Gabe is downright aggravated. The final leg of our drive is a steep, rocky, Dunwoody-esque road...times 10. As Gabe navigates around the hairpin curves, we realize too late that we are low on gas. We are very low on gas. As in, less than 1/4 tank. Despite our woes, its hard to worry surrounded by lush woodlands, open skies, and snow capped mountain ranges that seem a mere arms-length away.

We arrive at Fairy Lake, and although there's a few other cars, we're more or less secluded in the wilderness. The air temperature has gone from 80 in the valley to 40 on the mountain. Sarah, Nat and Lindsay (all experienced hikers) pull out the extra shoes and clothes they've brought with them. Gabe, dressed in shorts and a t-shirt and sandals, has nothing. He is forced to wear Sarah's winter jacket, which is just a tad snug. We laugh and call him "Sporty Gabe"...

The hilarity only continues as we wait (and wait) for Gabe to use the campground bathroom. Out of nowhere a truck pulls up next to us and a lady gets out, heading straight for the shitter. Natalie comments that she hopes there is a lock on the door, and the idea that Gabe may get walked in on, high in the mountains, with nothing around and wearing his sporty jacket is too much for the girls to bear. We do manage to break through our convulsions to call out to the woman "Someone's in there!" Sporty Gabe emerges, his head hanging low...

We set off for the Fairy Lake trail, a miniscule 1/4 mile. Sarah comments sarcastically, "I don't even need my water!" Sporty Gabe glares back as he lights a cigarette.

Nonetheless the lake is gorgeous with its turquoise-y gleam of water and surrounded by snow-topped peaks. There is even some snow on the ground! We take a bevy of pictures on our 1/4 mile hike and even Sporty Gabe is all smiles.

Back at the car, we head down the mountain and towards Bozeman. Though the tank goes quickly from "85 miles to empty" to "39 miles to empty", we make it to a gas station just fine, despite Gabe's warnings of, "Be prepared to walk to Bozeman!"

But we don't...in Bozeman Gabe hits a fly shop and we all head to lunch at a sandwich (wrap) shop. We decide to sit outside so that Noula can join us, and Natalie securs her to a bike rack. (Sidenote: Said bike rack is secured to...nothing.)

Midway through our meal, Noula decides to go for a stroll. She manages to pull the bike rack with her and begins to drag it in circles around the small grassy area. We all yell "Noula, STOP"--a command she normally responds to! But she continues in her fury, trying desperately to get away from the 20 pounds of metal she drags with her. Finally we are able to grab her, just before she hits the road. Noula climbs into her master's lap and quivers like a leaf...

We head back home, but not before a stop at Albertson's and some more house-hunting...(will Gabe and Lindsay buy a house and Sarah will rent from them? Only time will tell...)

At the house, we make home-made Mojitos and sit outside, enjoying the sun and slapping mosquitos. Sarah and Natty drink their "industrial-sized" Mojitos from 120oz water bottles...wondering all the while why they suck. Nonetheless, the rum is potent enough to allow them to grin through their mint-plastered teeth.

A plan is hatched to make one last Chico run, and Gabe agrees to go along. We soak for about an hour, consuming Chico Martini's, Miller Lite, and Strawberry daquaris. Natalie (drunk) proclaims that her Daquari tastes like a "log cabin"...to which Gabe responds "When have you ever tasted a log cabin?" Sarah jogs from the bathroom back to the pool in Baywatch fashion, and all the men drool...

Soon we head back to Livingston with Lindsay at the wheel. We go straight to the Stockman, where we chat it up with Kash, Natty and Danny's friend and Gabe's fishing guide. Not one but TWO old men trap Sarah into conversation...one says something to the effect of, "I'm not the town pervert, even though I look like one." We quickly (or not so quickly, depending on your point of view) rescue her.

Danny joins us and we soon head home. Its 12:30 p.m. and we must all rise before 6 the next day. Despite this well known fact, we put on music and dance, all the while pouring more drinks. Two frozen pizzas are popped into the oven, where it seems they cook for hours. Finally the ladies demand Gabe remove and serve them the food...and he grudgingly obliges, snarling "You better hope you don't get salmonella!"

We consume our very late dinner with relish, and continue to chat. Its almost as if we don't want the day to end, or more effectively, our trip to end. But by 2 a.m. we all head to bed...

Day 8 June 17th 2006 - "The Last Day"

...a mere 4 hours later Nat, Sarah, and Finoula wake up Lindsay and Gabe. Bleary-eyed hugs and good-byes are exchanged, and Natalie, Danny, and Sarah head to a fundraising dirt-bike event. Gabe and Linds pack up and take one last ride in the Fox...to the Bozeman airport, where we must begin the 1st leg of what will be a very long day...with a 4 hour connection from Salt Lake City to Atlanta, and 3 hour layover to look forward to.

And so, sadly, like all good things our trip must come to an end. Our initial goals were obtained (Gabe caught fish, Lindsay saw bears) but we got so much more out of our week in Livingston, Montana...some celebrity sitings, some rare steak, good conversation, a lot of laughter, and most importantly, a lot of memories to take with us for a long time to come. And of course, 222 pictures to remember it all by!

Epilogue

Let it be known, that although Gabe and Lindsay left on June 17th, Sarah stayed another day. She mentioned it several times, especially in the face of Lindsay's moaning "Its my last day!" She was then subjected to a final day of motorcross viewing on 4 hours of sleep...

...On June 18th, Natalie took her oldest friend back to the airport to fly home...only to discover that Sarah had somehow missed her flight...the day before!! Details are sketchy as to how one could forget what day one is flying home...but fortunately, Sarah was able to hop on another flight for an extra hundred bucks! And all that's well ends well...

THE END